"Holy Toledo!"

August 27, 2007

Strange News: Bush Upset About Replacing U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales

Filed under: News & Politics — Bill @ 7:29 pm

President George Bush was dismayed and depressed upon learning that his top three choices to replace Gonzales were not available. An anonymous source from the White House informed me that Bush’s list of possible replacements read exactly as follows:

1- Perry Mason

2- That guy they call My Cousin Vinny

3- The hot lady from Night Court

– NEW CELL PHONE INVENTED FOR BUSY PROFESSIONALS

A yet to be named high tech company from Silicon Valley is about to announce their newest product called “The Zzz Phone.” This semi-hands free cell phone is designed for those busy professionals who despite their hectic jobs feel the need to make a quick call, check their email, or play a quick hand of solitaire.

A company officer who didn’t wish to be named said, “We are aiming to capture a target market by creating a cell phones for those on the go types. We are meeting the need for those with occupations that often don’t allow them to use regular cell phones safely, so for them we created the Zzz Phone. Air traffic controllers, ambulance drivers, race car drivers, astronauts, & brain surgeons come to mind.”

A former Braniff pilot said, “There were times when the plane was on auto-pilot and I was mixing a quick martini that the Zzz Phone would have come in handy. Instead of wasting time reading weather reports I could have been reviewing my stock portfolio.”

A relatives of George Jones, the famous country singer who was seriously injured while using his cell phone during a traffic accident was not thrilled by this announcement.

– THE NAME THAT QUOTE GAME:

Who said it & what were they talking about?

The quote is: “It’s a shame when someone isn’t able to do their job because their name is being dragged through the mud.”

Was it:

A- Hannah Bulllickter, a lesbian mud wrestler, who’s tag-team wrestling partner was banished due to a scorching case of herpes.

B- Rover the dog, a vegetarian pit bull & #1 pet of the former QB Michael Vick talking about his former master.

C- President George Bush talking about Scooter Libby

D- President George Bush talking about Karl Rove

E- President George Bush talking about Dick Cheney

F- President George Bush talking about Alberto Gonzales

G- Whitney Houston talking about herself.

It’s a tough call but the answer F.

Phitting hey?

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