"Holy Toledo!"

October 1, 2013

A Pirates Fan Goes to Confession and says…

Filed under: Baseball — Bill @ 8:37 am

(Please remember this is all done in fun & humor, with no dishonor meant to anyone or their religion)

Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been 7,660 days since my last home playoff game. During that time I have suffered many losses, bitter defeats, countless losing seasons, witnessed many bad teams, buried a stadium, and carried anger in my heart (mainly against Braves fans). While I understand I should not question you Lord, I wonder why it has been 12,403 days since our last World Series title? At the time of our last title we demonstrated a strong devotion to We Are Family, honored Pops Stargell, and seemed to be on the right path. Granted drugs may have been involved at that time, but we weren’t alone, everyone did it.

Forgive me for the foul language I may have uttered, and for the harsh words I may use in the future (like during tonight’s game). I ask that you not hold the actions of one man against us, for most of Barry Bonds’ transgressions occurred in a city much like Gomorrah. Only you know if Dock Ellis truly did besmirch the blessed game. While I appreciate all the glory you have allowed our helmeted brothers, please remember this was your will to honor the Rooney family, whilst befuddling Art Modell & Al Davis. When you consider your ultimate plan for our beloved Pirates I ask that you remember all the good deeds we have done. We have employed many marginal players, provided good men to other organizations, offered a safe harbor to out-of-towners, & have done little to upset the traditions of our division brothers. Most importantly I ask that you remember Roberto Clemente.

Amen.

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